Embracing Your Anger
There’s a T-shirt that reads, “Depression is Anger without the Enthusiasm.” That’s very funny, and also very, very true.
At the Optimum Health Institute (OHI), we teach guests that there are just two core emotions – positive, or love based, and negative, or fear based. This fear is frequently expressed as anger.
Somewhere along the line, many of us, and most women, got the message that it just wasn’t OK or “ladylike” to feel or express anger. “Nice” people never got angry – instead they would just swallow their emotions, compromising their desires, beliefs and goals, to keep everyone else happy and maintain a semblance of peace.
After decades of getting this message that “anger is wrong,” and trying to stifle this very honest and real emotion, what happens? Yep – the T-shirt is right. Depression sets in because it really is anger without the enthusiasm.
Depression isn’t the only potential fallout from unexpressed anger. A recent study at Columbia University Medical Center shows unexpressed rage can also literally harm the heart. Our feelings of anger set off our “flight-fight response,” which drives up heart and respiration rates and tightly squeezes blood vessels as our body gets ready to react decisively. If we try to suppress that emotion, the body never gets the “release” of appropriately expressed anger, and our risk for heart disease is escalated.
Explosive, undirected spurts of anger can take the same toll on the heart as suppressing rage, so it’s important to learn to express your anger in appropriate ways.
Confronting the situation or person that triggered your anger is key, as is being able to have a discussion – even a rather heated one – about the issue in question. Healthy resolution is not about fixing blame – it’s about getting back to that core emotion, and verbalizing what need of yours you fear is not being met. This moderate expression of anger, research shows, can be both constructive and heart healthy.
Dr. Candace Pert, the pharmacologist and researcher who’s rewritten the medical books by proving every cell of our body has a separate consciousness, has seen other positive results from occasionally letting that anger inside of us explode.
She’s seen cancer patients who do not meekly accept their diagnosis, but rage against the disease attacking their body. The same way a fever kills invading germs, she’s seen this expression of fury result in an almost immediate remission, as if the anger somehow burned out the cancer cells.
We need to understand it’s not the emotion of anger itself that’s wrong, but any inappropriate behavior that anger and fear might trigger.
When you feel your anger level start to creep upwards, instead of just swallowing it, try these steps:
- B-R-E-A-T-H-E! Consciously taking a few deep breaths helps you stop and take a quick inventory of the situation.
- Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?”
- Know that your FEELINGS are neither right nor wrong. It’s the BEHAVIOR you choose to do as a result of your feelings that can be unproductive.
- At the core of all anger is a need you have that is not being fulfilled. Identify that need, and you can constructively express exactly what you want – whether it’s being listened to, getting rewarded for your contribution, being respected or just having your own space.
In our Emotional Detox class at OHI, we share the idea that “Holding anger and resentment towards another person is like me taking poison and hoping that someone else dies.” It’s a funny thought with a lot of truth – and it’s also a great reminder to first own your anger, and then release it in an appropriate and constructive way.
To learn more about OHI, visit our website at www.OptimumHealth.org.
To make your reservation, please call us at (800) 993-4325 .